Mercury & Self-Talk
Hi Everyone,
Anyone with Mercury as 12th house ruler, or Mercury in aspect to an outer planet, Mercury square to Ascendant, MC or planets – heck – anyone with a Mercury, may experience challenges improving their self-talk. Mostly, it’s about changing a habit pattern, one that rises up when we aren’t being kind, generous or loving to our SELF. The vibe that self-talk creates comes back to us, over years or even lifetimes. Changing our self-talk to thoughts of love, kindness and encouragement will change our lives. No questions asked!
As Jeannette Maw says, “The universe can only be as good to you as you are to yourself,” and face it, we aren’t always that self supportive.
What to do?
Think about your self-talk when you look in the mirror.
Are you your own best cheering squad, or do you list the faults and things that need to be ‘fixed’? What about at work? In your creativity? Your daily routine?In relationship to others?
When you lay awake at night, are you thinking of the things that went right or ‘wrong’?
Most of us are in the habit of self judgment, criticism and denigration. Just imagine what signal that sends to the universe? It’s a spell that conjures more of what we don’t want.
But there are ways to turn those harsh self judgments around, and this post is dedicated to exploring, discussing and practicing them.
Awareness
The first step is becoming aware when we get snarky with ourselves. That’s all. Note it. Don’t judge it. Find a way to smile and say, “There you are.” It’s catch and release. With. Love.
10 Minutes of RECEIVING Self Love
This is Brad Yates, a wonderful EFT wizard and booster of all things positive, creative and carefree. This recording is free on his website. If you want to explore EFT, he’s your guy. To download onto your iPod, computer or phone, go here.
Worthiness Magic
This is one of Jeannette’s tips and it really is magic.
Get a little notepad and on the first page write, I am worthy . . . write it a few times, just to get in the head space. Then go with some specifics. It might look like this:
I am worthy . . .
I am worthy of love . . .
I am worthy of closeness . . .
I am worthy of connection. . .
I am worthy of happiness . . .
I am worthy of my family . . .
I am worthy of my power . . .
I am worthy of success . . .
I am worthy of my place in the world . . .
I am worthy . . .
Do the exercise once a day or as you feel to, and watch things shift.
Mirror Magic
Here’s a link to Jeannette’s article on this excellent technique. Amp up your Worthiness
Core Values Uncovered – a fabulous little book by Jeannette!
Core-Values-Uncovered-by-Jeannette-Maw
I’ll add other ideas as we go along. Feel free to post your progress, discoveries, and successes. With Mercury about to turn Rx in Taurus, it couldn’t be better timing to start a self-talk awareness practice!
Thank you Kim and Jeannette for a super interesting call!
I have some thoughts about the self-talk. Like Kelley above I have 12th house Virgo and Mercury in 2nd House in Scorpio (the amount of similar charts here *is* really wild!). In the call Jeannette mentions the Abraham-theory that even feeling more love for your surroundings may influence and change your habits with self-love. I think this round-about way actually works better for me than the direct changing of my self-talk. When I’m direct, I tell myself off for telling myself off – as you say.
The idea of ”hurting yourself through gossiping about others” I relate to. The worse I feel about myself, the more nasty are my thoughts also about others. Jealousy is an aspect of this. So the Scorpio stinger is allowed to zap others – but only in secret. Very Scorpian – and it still allows me to keep up a (probably cracking) Libran veneer. I think that directing more love and generosity towards others might more effectively circumvent my brain habits. I’m also obstinate, you see. If someone tells me to say ”I love myself etc.” I immediately want to tell them to shove off – my mind is my mind! This may be Taurus obstinacy or Uranus also in the 2nd house…?
By focusing on loving others, I think I am also activiating my Venus, as you recommended to me in another post, Kim.
Yesterday I had a therapy session and had an eye-opening insight that was very relevant to this. We were exploring the feelings of panic that happen when my mind starts whizzing madly: desperately thinking things over and looking for answers. Turns out that it is linked to my big childhood fear which was that I was going crazy.
My mom happened to tell me once that all artists were a bit crazy – like my alcoholic artist granddad – and I wanted nothing more than to be an artist. So my mind would do its whizzing thing and I would start to feel like I was outside my body, separate from everyone else, and going crazy. When I imagine death, I also think that it’s ”losing my mind” – mind and body separating – terrifying.
So when I was a child my cats would be my way back to the physical world. You mention cats too, Kim!
My therapist said even touching my own body helps to ”bring me back”.
Astrologically, could this have something to do with the 12th house? Could the Virgo mind lead me down a Neptunian road – OR is the Virgo terrifyed of giving into the 12th house? – not sure one can phrase it like that…
I see now that my grandad was a Neptunian archetype to me. I saw him as courting oblivion through art and drink. An equally alluring and frightening prospect.
Any thoughts on this would be so interesting – this is fresh to me.
http://goodvibeastrology.com/upg/caritas-karma-chart/
Yeah, Caritas… the Virgo 12H and Mercury in the 2H commonality here is such a cool alignment. We have all been brought here (karma) to work out some of the same issues. I find this incredibly powerful!
Re: “… more love for your surroundings”
I recently moved and we luckily have a second bedroom that I have turned into “my space”. I work in here (self-employed) and I create in here – my side projects, etc. I’ve got a space to hang relevant artwork and have books and little things that are reminders of what makes me feel fulfilled and happy in life, as well as what I am working toward. This is also the space for my kitties, their food/toy-box/treats/litter so get to do the daily mundane in here too, with little fur children that remind me on the day to day that I am worthy of greatness. I call them my luxury cats lol – so cats are big for me too. The separate room is nice, because I don’t subject my boyfriend to see *my effects* on the day to day – so it’s confined to an area for me. I try to use these things to keep love in my surroundings as far as materials go. I’m not a very materialistic person, and in fact up until a couple years ago if it couldn’t fit in my laptop bag, it simply got left behind, lol. Possibly Sagittarius Sun there, just like no attachment to “things”. But Venus wants things so I am learning to bring in relevant things without getting too cluttered because Virgo Rising detests clutter. And they have to be meaningful things/objects because well Scorpio. This room in essence is very Virgo/Pisces opposition come to think of it!
Re: “The worse I feel about myself, the more nasty are my thoughts also about others…. &… Uranus in the 2nd”
I get this too, but rather than consciously feeling or thinking nasty thoughts about others, I will just avoid people all together. I think this is my 5th house Aquarius. I’d rather just deal with people through email, or text message, and only by phone if necessary. If you bring me a flesh and blood person, it’s like I just get frazzled, I get distracted, I lose sight of my own thoughts and focus – as I am incredibly sensitive to the energy of people around me. I end up adhering to what the collective group wants rather than what it is that I want or I undermine what I want for the collective group (if their emotional vibration is stronger than mine). So if I avoid others, then I don’t have to deal with it at all. But, I know that you don’t grow like that, and you just remain as-is. Safe is not always best, meh. I find Uranus in my 2nd house (conjunct my chart ruler Mercury) gives me “out of the ordinary tastes”. I also don’t particularly care if someone likes or dislikes my tastes. I have that “my mind is my mind” aspect as well! Uranus-Mercury also gives my thoughts and speech a different tone, so I find people don’t always resonate or understand where I come from – I think that’s why I prefer to type or text because it gives me proper time to write out my thoughts, edit, re-edit, and then share when I feel it’s more clear. Or worse, people misunderstand me and then that can create some really bad -inner voice-… like “ugh that is not what I meant, why do I even bother, etc.”.
Re: So my mind would do its whizzing thing
I self-medicated with marijuana for about 8 years in my 20s, directly due to thoughts that you just can’t keep up with. The medicating would slow my thoughts so I could finally breathe, relax and focus hyper-clearly on one, maybe two, specific things. It made me less irritable and more tolerant of outside energies. Around the time of my Saturn Return and Uranus crossing my descendant (when i turned 30) I dropped a lot of toxic things in my life including the marijuana, and mainly because I started to realize that instead of it making me better (which I had become to define myself by), it actually made me complacent. It suppressed the thoughts rather than allowing me to express them and work through them, and in turn the atmosphere around me was nothing like I wanted. So it was the extreme of medicating the internal world and in turn neglecting the external world. So, in letting go of that, it’s been a complete change in how I’ve learned to cope with the thoughts that are wild – and believe me, it is to this day a day-to-day battle. They are there for a reason and I’m trying to make the most of them. I do at times get a little weirded out and physically sick, when I sit there and think that I am thinking – and how the mind does this autonomously. It’s super trippy man.
Re: is the Virgo terrified of giving into the 12th house?
I’ve often wondered about my Virgo being in opposition to her naturally ruled house (the 6th) and how that tension plays out. I think the paradox is strong there, and would put a focus. In a sense, it keeps things interesting! I am trying to let Virgo know that she is just fine there. In some ways having Pisces on the 6th house cusp for me, gives my Virgo someone to guide along, someone to help. She can remind Pisces (every single day) how things are done – I come across A LOT of Pisces “expression” in my day-to-day life, and I am constantly pushing him (or her) along in the best direction, helping with improvements and implementing processes that Pisces expression just struggles to click with. If it were reverse, and Virgo were on the 6th she couldn’t really have the opportunity to tell Pisces how to do the 12th because that’s “his” area. So, it does create a unique conversation. Maybe it could be alternated? Virgo can learn to be accepting to listening to Pisces opposing her on the 6th for a change – that it’s OK sometimes to dissolve and to disappear and what can Virgo do when she is in a realm with no boundaries and no rules and no compartmentalization – and realm of the collective? She can reach back out and help Pisces in the 6th, how to be in a realm of boundaries, rules, order, structure, routine – so maybe it’s a back and forth relationship between the two helping one another.
I don’t know if my responses helped but maybe triggered some more things for you.
Really interesting exploration of what a Scorpio Mercury needs to focus and ‘chill’ on the thoughts, amping up self-love through surroundings, and finding a balance between Virgo and Pisces energy, when their natural houses are reversed.
I think ANY sign on the Asc is terrified of slipping back into the 12th house sign, the sign behind it. Somehow, that sign represents chaos, and the Asc is all about being a focused persona, not a cosmic soup. In your case, Mer, Leo is the ‘sign behind the Asc’ as well as Virgo ruling the 12th. I think the gregariousness, spot-light, stand out in a crowd side of Leo might be part of why you enjoy seclusion? I have that feeling with Leo duplicated on my 12rth and 1st. Thinking of Virgo behind the Asc, it’s like the ‘Lift’ metaphor … you know, you go into a shopping mall and there are all these levels: Women’s shoes on the G floor, Sports and computers on 1st, diner dresses on 2nd, restaurant on 3rd … so having the duplicated sign on 12th and 1st MIGHT be saying, you know how to do this particular expression of Virgo, but now you might want to try this other way of expressing the same energy.
I don’t know if that makes sense, or even relates, but it sparked for me, thinking about the dialog between the 12th house ruler and the first, and what we are afraid to fall back into.
Whoa, yes – Kim! That is super insightful. Leo as that place I am terrified to “fall into”, could not be more appropriate. This is also sensitive territory because my north node is in Leo – so essentially I am going to have to face this ultimate “boss” probably my final ‘battle’ in life ;). I like to associate the 11th house with the “final boss fight” like in an RPG game lol. You round up your best “party/group” and then you all go in with your strengths (healer, damage dealer, tank) and take him (or her) down – so that then you have the satisfaction of emerging into the collective, unification, and even immortality.
Maybe by the time I get there, I’ll have a more gentle/soft perspective of this environment of life (the 11th) – and I will find out that all along it wasn’t so bad after all.
LOL the RPG metaphor!
I was thinking of it more like a fun night out with like-minded friends, or leading a GVA call on a topic that excites you, or being invited backstage after a band or performance … but tanks and bombs and healers and shields are fine, for now.
It’s complex, isn’t it? The way NN in Leo calls you to do something very unique and creative with group energy, leadership, and Leo behind the Ascendant is the one thing you would quite happily ignore for this lifetime.
I’ll be tapping Jeannette’s expertise on these ‘contra-intentions’ on the next call. We all have them, but repress, deny, project (a common approach) doesn’t always work!
That’s a good way to redirect my thoughts toward the 11th Kim ^-^ – it doesn’t all have to be literally conquering some mighty foe. It can be about general deep satisfaction and relation to other people in like-minded endeavors. Though sometimes getting to that brings on the same internal feelings (adrenaline rush). In an online group, I can still feel like a part of the group and isolated at the same time, and it makes sense because I am, physically.
It is really complicated, you’re right. I struggle with being “heard”, and because I’ve been met with that in the past, I set up each new scenario to be that way! Not being forceful enough and my voice drowns out and my intentions get lost. My brain literally goes mush. Even to close friends, I will need to rehearse (internally) the things I want to say, so that they come out as intended.
So I am really setting the karma based on my past experiences. I need to shift that consciously. I need to integrate a bit more trust. I even find that when I am talking I notice people begin to fidget.. and look around.. distracted.. or do something with their hands. On conference calls at work I can hear people rubbing their mic and dusting their computers or typing while I am talking and I’m thinking: “is it really that hard to listen to me?” “are they EVEN listening to me?” “what are they thinking about what I am saying right now?” “wow, I must be boring the shit out of them”. <– this is my self talk, haha.
I can envision my (low) Leo on the stage right now, and seeing someone in the audience text messaging on their phone and just stopping mid-performance and saying "are you even paying attention to me?" "why are you even here?" lolll
I look forward to hearing more about 'contra-intentions'. I am following a new mantra of "express, not suppress" (even the not so pleasant emotions), so maybe this is me on the right path? 🙂
Hi Mermade!
Thanks for this – of course it helps. 🙂
Extremely interesting what you say about the duality of Pisces-Virgo. You’re right, you can’t have one without the other. It’s great that you think of it so positively – yes, that they help each other, and both are ‘informed’ about the dynamic of the other. And that sometimes it swings one way or the other which has to be ok. When you put it like that it does sound like it adds a richness and complexity of experience. And lovely analysis of your space. You seem super conscious!
Listening to you makes me realise that I think of it all in terms of contradictions and oppositions. I think that it’s a fight rather than co-existance. Valuable to realise.
I’m very interested in that you tried to quiet you inner voice with marijuana. This is definitely a theme in my life also, but it’s alcohol for me. I certainly have been one of those people who can’t relax without wine or beer, and when I was in my twenties I drank a LOT. It seemingly had such a good effect on me. It was like my body finally relaxing would cancel out the hangover. ”Totally worth it” I would say to myself in the morning. (ignoring the slew of alcoholics on both sides of my family, yikes) My Saturn return also had an effect on this – but slowly. I realised that I had no influence on the outer world, and didn’t create anything. Like you, I saw that ”silencing” is not the same as changing – but I didn’t change, depressingly. It was only when I got pregnant at 32 that I was forced to stop completely. It was a less proactive choice than yours. I mean, we *kind of* decided that we should have a baby, but I didn’t actually take full responsibilty for the decision. And the lack of my silencing drink of wine for those 9 months was really, really hard. I didn’t find an alternative to relax me and I felt resentful of the baby for the amount of mental stress I had to endure. I considered taking valerian, but I didn’t dare.
Anyway, it resulted in a postnatal depression which actually was the best thing that could have happened to me, because I *finally* starting seeing a therapist (and later on an astrologer). I realise, I should have years ago. And now, the booze doesn’t feel like ”drinking to survive” anymore. And my 2-year-old seems untouched by all the early stress from me, thankfully.
Yes, everything you describe about Uranus rings true to me! I also prefer working removed from people. I subtitled films for a company in the US for two years without ever speaking to someone on the phone (I live in Denmark). And I also feel like people misunderstand me all the time. Small talk with strangers is nerve-wracking and alienating. Also, I’m very opinionated and hate when other people think we have to share opinions to get along. Ugh.
And yes, I also can make myself physically sick – nauseous – from thinking!
Love your luxury cats. I just noticed that it’s a cat at the top of this page. Haha, I’m definitely in the right place.
Caritas x
Argh, just realised – subtitling films – how Virgo-Neptune is that??
Virgo – Pisces, I mean 🙂
Very!!
The positivity comes and goes, Caritas, that’s for sure. Some days I have more energy to be positive and others I lose focus or sight of it all depending on my energy levels. But perhaps that is part of the “swing”.
I am really, emotionally aware of my space, so I’ve been working hard to be more consciously aware to help mitigate the emotional awareness if that makes sense. I get that ‘fight’ source, too. Especially when dealing with health issues in the physical body on top of it all sometimes it feels like we are literally fighting ourselves. Actually, about 3 years ago I was diagnosed with an auto-immune condition where your body is literally attacking itself. How ironic given the discoveries we are making with this course and Mercury self-talk/self-criticism/ a “self war” so to speak. I’ve literally manifested this in my body, and am working to holistically reverse the condition.
I drink more alcohol than I would like, or rather I should say that I don’t always drink I to appreciate it, which is my goal with alcohol, and my experience with it. I have been rewiring my brain in that I need it to relax after a long days focus, and instead that it’s more intended for celebration (however many times I choose to celebrate), the intention makes all the difference. But what usually happens, is I think “oh I’ll have this wine and then I can clear my mind and get creative” – and instead I just get sleepy and nothing is accomplished LOL.
My choice to quit marijuana was also partially due to not feeling well health-wise, so in some ways there was a reactive intention, but also some proactivity – in that I knew it was not where I wanted to be and I was ready for a BIG shift. This happened around my Saturn return as well when I was 31, and Uranus crossing my descendant. Good ol Saturn always looking out for us (even when we don’t listen). Saturn is like my dad that tells me advice, I don’t listen, then later I feel like I have to say “OK YOU WERE RIGHT”.
I think it’s great that you eventually had the realization to see a therapist, that led to an astrologer. It sounds like you are getting a better grip onto things, and trying really hard to view yourself in a healthy light. Just being a part of this course will add to that.
How cool that you worked in subtitles. I work in multi-media development, and manage a myriad of projects from video (with subtitles/voiceover!), shooting film, animation, and interactive development (programming). Managing all of the inner-workings between the internal teams and the external client teams. I keep things moving so everyone else can focus on what it is they do best. I am “the messenger” at work 🙂 Mercury is most certainly pleased with this job. Venus gets to make things pretty (spreadsheets, documents, and such), but most of my Venus is expressed through personal endeavors like visual artwork, writing, and my own astrology consults and studies. This personal side stuff though is only just budding. I hope to give Scorpio-Venus more room to shine in my life – that was my intention set at the “New Venus” inferior conjunction last month.
Agreed on “being in the right place”, too. There couldn’t have been a more appropriate photo for this post!
How wild that you also work with film and subtitling! I’m so pleased with this discovery of the Virgo translating the Piscean medium of film and art into words and grammar. Thanks for making me see it! I am tempted to get back into it, although it isn’t a *deeply* satifying job to me – more like it’s comfy and comes naturally.
Your angle on it is definitely more Mercury messenger – so you must have a lot of contact with people? Subtitling was a quite lonely business.
I’m so sorry that your “self war” has literally affected your body! I am also afraid of this happening to me. I think traditionally the Moon in the 6th house or Virgo can mean emotions affect health. Mine is in the 6th house. I’ve just posted more about this in my homework for call no. 2, because I also have Neptune square Moon.
My experience is that it also works the other way around, so that one’s body can heal emotions. I am doing therapy right now called Somatic Experiencing which focuses on the physical manifestation of feelings and thoughts. It seems to work better for me than just talking.
RE: “But what usually happens, is I think “oh I’ll have this wine and then I can clear my mind and get creative” – and instead I just get sleepy and nothing is accomplished LOL.”
Same, hehe. I might get creative sometimes but mostly that just means teen-level poetry – I suppose it’s something.
Speaking of teens, I am very drawn to access the same level of creativity and abandonment that I felt as a teenager. Mostly through alcohol and films. I will literally watch films about teenagers while getting drunk alone (omg I feel self-conscious).
Nice angle on Saturn as knowing best. Again, I can learn from your positivity!
Hi Caritas, I hadn’t read Mers response yet, so forgive me if I duplicate any of her thoughts.
Your idea of focusing loving thoughts, to start, on others, people, plants, animals, spaces, in the world as a way to ease into more loving self-thoughts is a good one. All roads lead to Rome, when it comes to expressing more love and releasing judgment.
You saisd If someone tells me to say ”I love myself etc.” I immediately want to tell them to shove off – my mind is my mind! This may be Taurus obstinacy or Uranus also in the 2nd house…?
I agree that Uranus square Mars is a potent Will, as is Saturn on the Asc. “Shove off” might be a kind thing to say. LOL But also, I think this might be a function of having reversed Asc to the natural chart. In the house that represents individuation (FIRST) you have the sign of collaboration, sharing and ‘them first’. In the house the represents ‘others’ (SEVENTH) you have ‘me first’ Aries. Sun in Libra is never quite sure what she wants until she hears what others want. Sun in the First House doesn’t give a rip what other people want. This is her journey. You can stand back and watch, or follow along behind, if you like … (spoken as archetypes, of course).
So the initial response MAY be, at times, to seek what others say, but then toss it all in an over compensation for wanting to be utterly self determining. But that can be ‘baby with the bath water’ syndrome as the core Self IS Libra expressing and DOES want to let others weigh in – because they might actually have something, or not. You decide.
Meanwhile, Saturn conjunct the Sun in Libra sends mixed signals as well. We’ll devote a whole call to Saturn soon, but I do think this contributes.
Meanwhile, Self-love is tricky for Saturn/Sun too, because he feels it must be earned, not a given right of every being in every incarnation.
The epiphany about your mom’s comments, artists and insanity is very timely. Not only does Mercury, as ruler of the 12th, feel it’s her job to keep you from tipping over the edge into a chaos she is all too aware of, your Mercury is also inconjunt the Moon – an aspect that often gets messages skewed. Mother (moon) meant one thing (perhaps) and you (Mercury) heard another, or took it literally, or took it as a negative thing even.
Mercury in Scorpio (any planet in Scorpio) is HUNGRY for what that planet represents. If you aren’t deeply involved in life and death choices, researching top secret data, doing brain surgery to save a life, juggling high spinning plates while others watch, part of your mind will start to stray, searching for, hunting for, something juicy to sink her teeth into. The trick is to fuel the powerful mind, keep her busy, but still reflect on the patterns and thoughts and beliefs as they come up.
But always have her in front of the all-you-can-eat buffet.
Does any of that resonate?
I think I would get in touch with my core values – Jeannette has a great exercise for this that we’ll hunt up – and then focus on ways of living them. SEE how you are already living some, and find ways to express and experience more.
I’ll BRB with that core value material. Perfect for Mercury in the 2nd.
Haha, you mean, ”Shove off” is the censored version? You’re right. 🙂
What you say about the reversed ascendant is so true. And this is also part of the feeling that life is opposites fighting it out instead of co-operating, as I wrote to Mer. I am not respecting the needs of both sides, I am siding with one or the other depending on the situation. Exhausting.
Spot on about Saturn not allowing good stuff without hard work. I can only really, with a good conscience, treat myself to something nice if I’ve had a 8-hour work day first. And it can’t just be that I worked really hard in therapy, because working on myself is also a luxury that I don’t really deserve. So that’s Saturn.
Aha, inconjunct – that’s an aspect I don’t know. Very interesting. In general, my mom and I don’t communicate well – she has Mercury in Leo! But yes, to a grown-up ”a little bit crazy” is probably a compliment, but not to a child – or to me as a child, anyway.
Hehe, brain surgery. I love that. This makes sense. My mind needs purpose and challenge AS WELL as kindness. Again, I might have been thinking that it was one or the other.
Look forward to finding the core values. Thanks! x
Okay, that took longer than I’d planned.
I have put the link to Jeannette’s excellent core value book in the main post above, or just click here! Let us know what you think.
I am going to revisit these too, before Venus goes direct.
Thanks! I’ve just done the core values exercise. It worked well thinking of good and bad experiences – things came out of that which I hadn’t thought specifically about before.
It reminds me of The Passion Test which I have recently been reading, but this core values exercise goes deeper, I think.
Also, The Passion Test suggested that you wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it everytime you think negative thoughts about yourself – haha, WHAT? I think many of us are well practised in punishing ourselves for punishing ourselves already, thanks! 😉
OMG The rubber-band is definitely not my style. Aversion therapy?
Thanks for sharing this, Kim. I have been doing this unknowingly, and instead calling them “motivators” – asking myself “what motivates me?” But they are in fact “values”! It’s nice to see them in this light.
Thanks Kim & Jeannette for another terrific GVA call. My 12th house is Virgo (ruled by Mercury) which is in my 2nd house (23 Scorpio) squaring Uranus in the 11th house (25 Leo).
My lifelong relationship with the only sibling (Mercury) I was raised with, has been fraught with difficulties. As the 4-year younger sister, I was at a physical disadvantage against an erratic, bullying older sister whose voice is the one I hear when I become aware of negative self-talk, even to this day at 56 years old.
That my older sister suffers from undiagnosed Boderline Personality Disorder, a very serious mental-illness, that erupted spectacularly upon our mother’s death in 2013, points me towards the Uranian aspect involved: explosive, surprising, & no warning.
Given that my 12 house (using whole-sign houses) also contains the North Node conjunct Pluto (I have Scorpio Sun) and it seems I have a lot of subconscious / unconscious / unawareness to process in this incarnation.
I feel that with my mother’s death a major impediment to self-awareness and self-fulfillment has been removed. In the immediate aftermath (which would include the first 3 years after my mother’s death in Aug 2013) it was highly traumatic – Just ask Jeannette! She had to pick me up off the floor several times – but as time has passed, I’m getting my bearings in this “brave new world” and am actually beginning to enjoy it.
I’m growing into my new role as … well I haven’t decided exactly what to call my new role, but I am taking a liking to Jeannette’s Identity Shifting “Socially active Philanthropist” – or at least that’s my take on it. I was invited by New Mexico’s largest newspaper the Albuquerque Journal to be an advocate for people (typically elderly) put under court-ordered guardianship, and due to the recognition the Panel afforded, met with the NM State Supreme Court Chief Justice afterwards, to help him in forming a Commission to study how guardianship and trusts are handled in New Mexico.
I know my mother and several other of my ancestors are really delighted at my finding my calling at issues of social justice, including (on my father’s side) my Mormon ancestor AO Smoot. While I do not share AO’s religion, I share his social conscious in ensuring any community of which I am a part is looked after, not exploited, by those elected or chosen to lead.
I’ve rattled on for way too long here, but thanks again for your insightful and helpful thoughts on how we each create our own reality, and how we can help ourselves create a reality we will each really enjoy.
Kelley, thank you so much for these thoughts. You have taken a very challenging situation and turned it into gold. No small feat, and it’s very inspirational.
I think with the North Node/Pluto conjunction IN ANY HOUSE would be a powerful symbol to what you are doing now, for the welfare of others. 11th house, yes, and 12th too, especially in the ‘service to those without a voice’ category, and supporting from behind the scenes. So well expressed.
Your Sun/Neptune would also feel like you’d found your nitch, don’t you think? We’re going to talk more about this aspect, and you and Janette and Joh and Quilly (and others?) may have much to share with Sun/Neptune, or Sun intercepted, or Sun in the 12th or Sun in Pisces.
I am wondering if recognizing that the harsh self-talk isn’t your voice makes it easier to turn into something more kind and supportive.
??